To recap the all-parent and all-boy EQUIP BOYS dinner and book launch, there's a significant communication shift every 500 years. Most Boomers, X-ers, and Elder Millennials grew up in an analog world. Then, technology such as the Internet and iPhone entered the mainstream. This significantly altered previous generations' ability to understand and relate to younger Millennials, Gen Z, and Gen Alpha.

This divide is illustrated in the movie We Bought a Zoo. Grieving from the loss of his wife, Benjamin moves away from the city with his two young children to start over. Unfortunately, his teenage son Dylan is unimpressed with the move to the middle of nowhere, even if it has a lot of really cool animals.

Struggling to connect with his son Dylan, Benjamin asks, "Why don't we just tell each other what we wish the other person would say?"

Dylan says, "I'm sorry I brought you out here to the sticks," to which Benjamin replies, "You're a great dad."

It's a funny and heartwarming scene, as honesty between the two leads to understanding and connection—which can happen with the teen boys we love when we help them feel heard, understood, and valued.

To help boys feel heard, understood, and valued, it's helpful to know what motivates them. In his book 10 to 25: The Science of Motivating Young People, Dr. David Yeager, psychology professor and researcher, argues against the neurobiological-incompetence model. This is a well-accepted belief that young people are incapable of making intelligent choices and understanding consequences and need adults "who know better" to tell them what to do—which often makes them feel incompetent and less independent (and become more defiant).

He hypothesized that young people when pursuing what matters to them, possess heightened decision-making skills than they're given credit for. Modern fMRI brain scans confirm his belief. He writes that "much of the behavior of young people that worries or annoys us does not come from ten-to-twenty-five-year-olds being inherently incompetent. Rather it comes from this age group's attempt to learn how to be socially successful… in the eyes of their peer groups…"

They're not attempting a double backflip from the highest cliff because they lack decision-making skills. They are fully aware they might get hurt, but thanks to testosterone, they're choosing to act in a way that will offer them the most status and respect from their peers and onlookers.

He's not saying boys don't make dumb decisions—sometimes without thinking. However, Dr. Yeager writes, "If we can understand their perspectives and what they really want, then the same motivational drives that lead to problematic behaviors… can be channeled into important contributions to our organizations, families, schools, and society."

Enter How Teens Win, a meaningful and practical way to help boys feel competent, accepted, and respected by helping them understand their potential, dream about what's possible, and set goals that help them win!

  CLICK HERE FOR CJ'S FULL NOTES FROM SATURDAY 11/16